I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
