also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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