....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
