Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
