And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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