that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
