I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
