i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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