I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
