Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
