Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
