he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
