Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
