i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
