I love black thongs
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
