He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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