12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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