I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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