are you still at the devil's house?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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