Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So. Much. Porn.
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