Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
