ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
