I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think my moral compass just broke
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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