ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
