im drinking this country out of the recession.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
