It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
this hospital has no fireball
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
