He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
