I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
