Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
