I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
