i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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