all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
