He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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