toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
