the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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