Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
