I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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