conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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