I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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