He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
