No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
