he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's just like the Real World with babies
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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