i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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