Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
