I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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