i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
