I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
