How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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