I just cut my nipple shaving
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
