Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
