Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
