Where is the hickey?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
