how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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