just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
