i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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