i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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