Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
