Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
do nipples grow back?
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